I am writing this to time with the release of my podcast on October 3rd entitled ‘What would it be like to live your life without fear’ (you can find all my podcasts online at https://podcast.janbaylisscounselling.com.au/ ). I talk about the impact fear can have on a person’s life, controlling it in a negative way or acting in a way that could produce a ‘gut’ bodily reaction which could prevent an unpleasant chain of events.
I guess a question to ask yourself though is, is fear ruling your life?
Some may feel frustrated as I talk about this topic, as fear could have become a good companion – a ‘safe’ way of living. Without fear what have you got? Well, trust would come to mind and how scary is that?
How does trust even begin to evolve into a new way of thinking and being? Trust can only be a safe part of a person’s life if they have recognised the power that ‘fear’ may hold over them; then the question could be asked is fear valid in this situation or would another way of handling what was occurring be more beneficial”? If so, who would benefit? Would it be yourself only or would your control of fearful emotions and feelings also benefit those closest to you?
Fear becomes physical as stress hormones are released, along with an increase in blood pressure and heart rate. The fight, flight freeze responses kick in. It can result in an unpleasant and often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of any form of danger, whether it is perceived to be extreme or actually valid. On the other hand, 'trust' refers to the confidence that a person has in another, themselves or the situation that they are in.
In the podcast I further discuss the walls that fear can create, walls which can lead to anxiety and doubt. I also look at the way fear in adult years can be a subconscious response to old memories in childhood. Also, how you may have observed people closest to you handle difficult situations. Fear can block more positive ways of handling some situations and those childhood memories or trust not being safe, can kick in.
My podcast also talks about the need for fear to be faced before change can occur, and to recognise that fear could have become an ‘old friend’ and to let it go could be scary. It’s OK to acknowledge that however, for trust to be able to begin to feel safe there is a need for a focus to shift from negative to positive thoughts and a practise of being real with how you feel. It is so important to be gentle with yourself and to only do what feels safe and right for you.
Trust can be a very complicated concept and to trust yourself involves many deep layers of self-evaluation and acceptance.
Trusting yourself requires that you embrace your own power, knowing that you cannot control the decisions of others and believing that you are capable of handling painful emotions, being mindful of self doubt and how that can sabotage any changes you are wanting to make. We have all internalised negative messages over the course of our lives, messages that are working to undermine us and perhaps we are not consciously aware of them. It is then necessary to recognise that they are indeed childhood messages and they are no longer productive. A new way of thinking, feeling and being may be necessary to move on in a more positive and fulfilling way.
This does not mean that fear is not going to surface again at any given time, it just means that a new way of not allowing fear to take over while trust is learnt, can be exhilarating. Just being able to look fear in the eye, acknowledge it for what it is, breathe into your body, allow yourself to smile at it- in doing this, your fear will lose some of its strength and control.
Hear more on my podcast channel
This topic and many more are available on my podcast channels which can be found at https://podcast.janbaylisscounselling.com.au or on Spotify, Apple, iHeart etc. I do hope you will tune in and perhaps begin to find new ways to face fears that may have been controlling you for much of your life.